Two years in a row. I drafted the right guys. I kept the squad healthy and avoided the injury bug. I even brought homeless waiver wire guys on to the team and turned them into weekly fucking starters! I’ve won the trophy TWO YEARS IN A ROW. But it just isn’t enough, I want that THREE-PEAT baby!!!
…That being said, I have the key to winning that third title.
The fantasy football three-peat is an elusive bitch. I honestly question how I even made it all the way to the championship once, let alone twice, let alone twice in a row. When I started playing fantasy, I consistently finished in the bottom two for the first few years. I spent a ton of time looking for info and when I found something that I thought was good, I went with it. Somehow every player I drafted with my first pick decided to turn into their ultimate shitty form the year they wound up on my sorry ass team. This ultimately tanked my entire team and restarted the suckfest year after year.
And then one day it clicked. I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner. The answer was right in front of my face staring at me with all 16,794 wasted words in his article. I had been listening to Matthew Berry’s fantasy advice!!! Dude is supposed to be THE fantasy football guy! He knows insiders for god’s sake! He has his own fucking show on ESPN! He gets paid to do this shit! And yet he is ALWAYS wrong. But still, he holds the key to winning by being so fucking wrong.
So, unlike Bitch-ass Berry, I’ll go ahead and get to the fucking point. The key to winning is doing the opposite of what Matthew Berry thinks will happen. It’s been the difference in me being stuck forever in last place, to turning this fantasy trophy into a staple decoration in the living room. And if I win a third in a row, I’m confident in saying I may never lose again. So with all that…
Fuck you Mr. Roto
Worst Take 